All that I wanted was some time. Some breathing room. I needed to recharge, I needed to feel in control of myself. I needed to regain a sense of individuality. I was completely torn down and left broken for months. And still, what I needed didn’t seem to matter. I still needed to be controlled. If I did something you didn’t like or approve of, I heard about it. I was left to feel bad about it. To feel bad about what? Living my life? Doing what I wanted to do? I wasn’t doing ANYTHING to harm you. I wasn’t lying or cheating or being cruel to you. 

I feel if I do anything with anyone else then it is used against me. You will say “well, you didn’t do this or that with me so you must be over this and it must be easy to walk away from everything”. That is childish. Even if we get back together I AM going to do other things with other people. I am going to continue to make memories with the people that matter to me. You’re not the only person that matters to me. I have plans this summer that I am excited about. Do they involve you? No. Does that mean that I do not care about you? No. Does that mean that I am over this? No. Does it mean that you and I can never create anymore memories because I am going on a camping trip with two of my friends? No. But that is what it means to you. At least that is what I gather from the way you have talked to me in the recent past. 

I am going to live my life. I wanted you to still be a part of it. I wanted to see if we could slowly get back to something more stable. I do not want a relationship. I do not want to answer to anyone. Especially the person that left me for someone else without a second thought. So, call me selfish, say that I am running away and not facing my fears. I didn’t ask for any of this. It is not my fault that my views on this and any relationship have changed. You have no idea what I have to face each day when I wake up. You have no idea what it was like to have your fiance cheat on you for months and then shrug her shoulders and date someone else instantly. Therefore you have no idea what it is like for me each and every day. You have no right to tell me how I feel or what I should and shouldn’t be doing.